“Connection is a middle school lunchroom problem.” I love this quote from Aaron Hurst, Founder and CEO of Imperative: It was always awkward for many people. And since the pandemic, more than ever people at all levels don’t know who and how to meet. 

Yet extensive research has found that connection is the #1 human need. That sounds like a serious problem needing solving, regardless of how many social media connections one has. Connection has broken down owing to physical separation as well as the divisiveness of today’s society and fears such as lack of psychological safety for speaking your thoughts or reaching out. 

Many have lost the skill during pandemic restrictions times when in-person interactions were limited. That needs to be rectified.

Connection is an imperative for belonging, and “you can’t google it” to learn, acquire or practice it. 

Cross-generational conversation, connection and relationship building are key ingredients to fulfill the desire for belonging both at work and in life. Simultaneously, it can accelerate recognition of competence and feelings of respect. 

The Link between Connection and Belonging 

Belonging is the conscious sense that you are connected to others and vice versa. In order to feel you are beyond included but also belonging, work environments must feel comfortable to you most of the time. True, there will be times we need to stretch out of our comfort zone to grow, and that is easier when you possess feeling of belonging. Just the act of re-establishing connection can require some people to expand their comfort zone. It is much easier in an environment of psychological safety. 

Intergenerational Connection

Emerging from pandemic restrictions, especially when hybrid or remote schedules are demanded or is the official policy, it’s an opportune time to break down generational silos with intentional efforts. All generations have knowledge and experiences to share from their various perspectives, connections and the challenges they have faced and perhaps overcome, both as teacher and continual learner. Advice to “stay in your lane” can be counterproductive. 

How to Establish/Re-establish Connection

 Leaders and managers at all levels need to encourage and initiate one-on-ones that aren't for talking about projects and roadblocks, but rather just a personal moment to see how teammates and co-workers are doing.  

The value of learning to ask good questions is almost priceless.

It's just an intentional moment to learn more about each other and connect. 

Learning to ask in a friendly and open manner is a most helpful skill for connections and all around success. The types I am referring to are not work-specific questions. Connections can be established and re-established with such types of questions as:

• Tell me about your family. What do you like to do together? (You can even say you are looking for new ideas.)

• What do they like to do on weekends?

• Hobbies and things that keep them in “flow mode”? What do they value? 

• Find out what motivates them. While there is technology to assess motivation, such as that from Attuned, personally asking questions is a bonus and more effective to establish connection at the same time

• Ask what everyone is looking forward to.

• What does or would make them feel more valued at work?

• Narratives about your key people and their lives will go a long way to helping them feel valued and invested in their roles.

• What types of things and situations tend to frustrate them the most? What triggers? How about now?

• How can you make work more meaningful for them (if that is an appropriate role for you)

• What kind of new ideas and interests are you open to explore? What did they miss the most during the pandemic? What did they like most or benefit from? What changes do they absolutely want to preserve?

Call to Action: These questions should get you started if you need to establish new connections (doesn’t everybody?) or get back in touch when time has lapsed. Let me know if this proves helpful and if you’d like more connection and relationship-building tips.

©  Phyllis Weiss Haserot  2022